By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. The transfer window has slammed shut, so let’s talk about it. Boy .. that was a lame intro. Anyways.
Arsenal got their business done early, and then had a quiet end to the summer sale event. Despite desperately needing a winger and defensive mid — the latter being a new need given Elneny’s long-term injury and Thomas Partey’s injury proneness — Arsenal failed to get anything else done after the early spree.
It really is okay though. Don’t let overly pessimistic supporters tell you otherwise either, Pimps. We got in some important additions and now clearly have some cheddar left over, as the late move for Douglas Luiz showed, so January may genuinely be an active window for us to get other stuff done.
“For the first time in forever …”
- Anna (Frozen, 2013)
That’s a few months out. Let’s talk about here and now.
The Gunners failed in their pursuit for Aston Villa’s Douglas Luiz on deadline day. And that is a blessing in disguise for many that were skeptical from the beginning of his mentioning. But I actually was a bit excited for the player upon the first link. The initial figure mentioned seemed reasonable for a rotational player with Premier League experience. Sadly, however, Villa wanted upwards of £25 million, and in my opinion, Mikel Arteta and co. were right to call it off as he’s just not worth that. There’s other better Douglas’s and Dougs out there. Here they are.
1. Doug (Up): Arguably the bestest boy to ever exist, and the undisputed best Doug. We love Doug dot co dot UK.
2. Doug: Some old cartoon character. He was the main man. Doug Lu wouldn't have been.
3. Doug Stanhope: He's a standup comedian my favorite comics always mention. I don't know him, but he's better, I'm sure. Isn't it cool that Stanhope sort of sounds like stand up? Luiz sort of sounds like "luiz - ing (losing) money." That was forced. Stanhope is funnier than me, go watch him for actual good comedy.
4. Douglas Costa: Besides when he spit in that one dude's mouth. Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into it and it's consensual.
5. Dougie: Teach me how to.
6. Lord Alfred Douglas (1870-1945): An English poet and journalist. I wonder if he DOUG up any good stories back in his day... God I hate myself. Known for being an Oscar Wilde fan. Imagine being a historical fan. Man built a rep for being a Stan and is STILL a superior Doug.
7. Dugtrio: Elite Pokémon.
8. Doug Lane: My old assistant store manager at my first job at a grocery store called Publix.
9. Good Sir James Douglas (14th century): He did something to do with Scotland. I'm sure he did some terrible stuff too though. Still better than Douglas Luiz.
10. Michael John Douglas (Michael Keaton): He played Batman. Enough said. He goes by Michael Keaton because Michael Douglas was apparently already taken.
So yeah. Don’t do school, stay in drugs.
Toodloo…!
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