Finton’s Frolic: 49 Things Bigger Than Tottenham

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

London is red, but you already knew that. The Gunners beat Tottenham for the 79th time, so without further adieu, here’s 49 things bigger than our inferior rivals. I bet you thought I was gonna say 79. But fuck that, I got to around 34 and realized that is just too much. Not for you, but for me, because I’m lazy and can’t be asked. Sort of like Harry Kane since his move away fell through.

So let me shut up and just get on with doing what I do best. Writing weird stuff that like eight people find funny. Here's 49 things bigger than the shit stain down the road.

1. Arsenal

2. Emile Smith Rose

3. Bukayo Saka

4. AFCMax9

5. The Arsenal Cannon Podcast

6. Weloveyouarsenal.co.uk

7. The amount of weekly readers Finton's Frolic has

8. AFC Wimbledon

9. The third, middle line left by Aubameyeng’s knee slide

10. A grain of sand

11. A mosquito

12. Lucas Torreira

13. Harry Kane’s speaking skills

14. A teacup Chihuahua that's been shot by a Tottenham branded shrink ray

15. The dots after each of these numbers

16. COVID-19 particles

17. Any form of bacteria

18. Arsenal U-18’s

19. Gulf Coast Gooners (Tampa Arsenal fan base)

20. The consistency which Finton's Frolics are released at

21. A single eye lash

22. Mikel Arteta’s small feet that made him good at free kicks, according to Wenger

23. Jordan Pickford’s arms

24. The state of Rhode Island on a world map

25. Pochettino’s trophy list

26. Frank de Boer's success rate as a manager

27. An atom

28. A molecule

29. A molecule that supports Arsenal

30. An atom that’s split in half and supports Sutton United

31. The amount of time Sokratis spends smiling

32. Cedric’s amount of talent

33. Guendouzi’s discipline

34. The amount of people in England who have had actual, good tasting soda with kilograms of sugar in it

35. The funniness within this horrible excuse of an article

36. Kante

37. The toe nail of a baby tea cup chihuahua shot by a Tottenham branded shrink ray which broke soon after it was used

38. Jesse Lingard’s self awareness

39. The amount of people who fully understand xG

40. The amount of hope I had for Aaron Ramsdale

41. The amount of dislike (none) I now have for Ramsdale

42. The amount of Arsenal supporters who don’t love Tomiyasu with all of their hearts (also none)

43. The amount of respect I have for people who type in all lowercase letters (None for a third time, notice the capital letter used)

44. The presence of Bruno Fernandes in big games

45. The amount of reasoning anti-vaxxers have for being anti-vax

46. Arsenal photographer Stuart MacFarlane

47. The amount of hair on Daniel Ek’s head

48. Tottenham’s very own “title winning form” at the beginning of this season

49. Literally everything to ever be, or not to be. Including VCD Athletic of the Isthmian Football League (7-8 divsion of English ball.)

That’s it Pimps, that’s all she, well I guess I wrote. Onto the next. We’ll take on bigger and better opposition next week against Brighton. All sarcasm aside, they are actually really good at the moment and have looked sensational this season. That said, our chance of getting something out of the match is yet another thing bigger than Tottenham.

Toodloo...!