By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Today, on this fateful day before the North London Derby, we will discuss 81 things bigger than our cocky neighbors.
81 isn’t just a random pick out by the way, it’s how many times we’ve beaten them over our superior history. Here are 81 small, medium, big, and gargantuan things — you decide which is which — that are bigger than Spurs.
Arsenal
Luton Town
Manchester City’s fan base
Hale End
Kai Havertz
My comically small penis
An ant
Your mom
Rice
Declan rice
Ricin
Rice rice baby, the song
The Arsenal Cannon Podcast’s fan base
Thierry Henry’s amount of hair
The number -743
A drywall screw
A single molecule
Gary Neville’s ball knowledge
A rabbit poop pellet
Jack Grealish’s IQ
Francis Coquelin’s Arsenal goal catalogue
A dust particle (found in the Tottenham trophy cabinet)
A Harry Kane spit particle
A particle of anything, really, unless it’s big
The dot after every number in this list
The amount of licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop
The amount of good people at Manchester United
The Manchester United PR person’s work-life balance
A tip of a ballpoint pen
The amount of people who call Twitter “X”
The number of sugar restrictions in the USA
A mouse
The amount of humility Cristiano Ronaldo possesses
A Tesco meal deal shot with a shrink ray
Fabio Vieira
A lightbulb
A microwave (not as in the appliance, as in a micro … wave)
A speck of dirt
The cap on one of the beers made at the Tottenham Hotspur stadium with that new under cup mechanism thingy
San Marino’s winning record
Rhode Island
The amount of people who know what a semicolon is for
The amount of people who pretend they know what a semicolon is for
The Titanic submersible’s practicalness
A breadcrumb
The amount of money in Serie A
An Appleseed
Johnny Appleseed
The amount of people who would guess Sean Dyche is a football manager when asked (basically none)
David Raya’s nose
Aaron Ramsdale’s heart
Bukayo Saka’s brilliance
Martinelli’s work ethic
Ødegaard’s coolness
Cedric Soares’ talent level
A quail egg
The egg Gunnersaurus hatched from
The interestingness of someone talking about “field tilt”
The amount of people in America who can live off of minimum wage
An aglet (shoe lace plastic tip)
A follicle of Arteta’s hair
Wycombe Wanderers
The amount of love a cat has for its owner (none)
The amount of love Zouma has for cats (none)
The amount I would pay to see Zouma mauled by a cat (a lot)
People that are friends with the guy who runs West Ham Central
The amount of Andrew Tate supporters that have ever even spoken to a women
A thumbtack
Lol nice (the amount of people who find the number 69 funny that are over 12)
The care I have about Saka and Son hanging out
Richard Keys’ morality
The number of Twitter users who use spaces
A raindrop upon the Emirates carpet
People who read these
A gnat’s eyelash
Competitive minutes Emile Smith Rowe has received lately
Cases of botox that have gone wrong
The concept of there being a higher power present in our universe, but not one that can be simply classified as a “God” per se. But instead, the idea of energies alike all combining to create life as we know, and don’t know it, throughout space. It’s just not as simple as a God, or even an alien creating us and everything else that was, is, wasn’t, or isn’t. It’s bigger than that. And that idea is bigger than Tottenham.
A blueberry
The thankfulness and relief you have when you read: “that’s it folks, thanks for reading, share it with all of your cool uncles.”
The number of trustworthy people who still say “Toodloo…!”
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