By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. This is a bonus FF as Senior Writer Mac’s papa is getting married. Mac the celeb is a busy lad this week. And we want to get to 250 articles for the year, so I’ll gladly pick up the slack for such a beautiful reason. We love love here in the right opinion zone. Welcome to the WLYA family Kristin.
Anyways, let’s talk about what people actually care about: Charlie Patino. I’m surely you’re lovely Kris, but nowhere near as so as the new prince of London.
He donned the legendary Hale End number 87 yesterday, and bagged a debut goal whilst it was upon his hairless prepubescent back. So, on the note of such a legendary digit, and speaking of his preposterously young body and age, here’s 87 things that have happened since the young lad was born.
My 19-year-old brother turned one and I, four. I, four as in I turned four. Not like the deadly interstate here in Florida I-4.
Speaking of I-4, 165 people died in it from 2011-2015.
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
Tottenham were shit
2011
The world was supposed to end (2012)
2013
2014
2015
2016
2017, I graduated from high school
2018
2019 (COVID)
2020 (COVID)
This year (COVID)
Patino scored his first goal for Arsenal, my Pimp ess Katie thought the commentator said "Petito," the name of a young girl who was tragically murdered from my hometown. #RIP
A right wing fascist was appointed president of the United States
A lot of people died
A lot of people were born
A pandemic happened, more people died
A vaccine became available
Most people took it, but some didn’t
Some people died again
Arsenal won a few FA Cups
Arsenal went invincible
Thierry Henry left
Thierry Henry came back and scored that goal against Leeds
A lot of natural disasters
Other stuff
The Wii became a popular gaming system
People forgot about the Wii and became nostalgic when reading my mentioning of it in this article
At just 11, Patino himself was signed for 10 thousand quid
The Finton’s Frolic, a blog by a great player of Wii Bowling, was made
The Finton’s Frolic came out with like over 100 instalments
The Finton’s Frolic surprised everyone by telling the Pimps that Patino is 6-foot
There were six sunny days in London (since 2003)
Newspapers prospered and then died
Jeff Bezos took over the world
Elon Musk took over the world
Bezos took over the world
Musk took over the world
They decided they would share the world, and their golden punch bowl of baby blood with each other
39 of the 49 unbeaten games took place.
Brittney Spears shaved her head
Brittney Spears grew her hair back
Rob Holding signed for Arsenal, went bald
Holding signed a new deal at Arsenal, grew his hair back
Freddie played for and managed Arsenal
Per Mertesacker played for, and got an academy job at Arsenal
Steve Bould moved some cones around
Mikel Arteta played for Arsenal
Arteta became an assistant at Manchester City
Arteta became the Arsenal manager
Unai Emery said “Good Ebening” 600,000 times
Bukayo Saka burst onto the scene donning the very same number 87
Wars
Every brand known to man made a streaming service, Arsenal, Juventus, and Sunderland (Who Patino scored his debut against, got their own whacky shows)
YouTube started to care about what people say
Daniel realised 87 is just such a big number
Daniel wished 8.7 wasn’t too small of a list
The American version of The Office came along
Most people acknowledged it was better
Lol nice
Like 12 losers said the British Office was superior just to be different
Radio shows died
Podcasts became a thing even though they're the same thing as radio shows and sometimes they're even hosted by the very people that were booted from their previous jobs
Some guy, who I forgot the name of, maybe Jerry, became Subway’s company face
Turned out he’s a pedophile
Tottenham remained shit
Leicester City came out of nowhere and won the league
Manchester City became a thing
Theo Walcott scored over 100 goals for Arsenal
Arsene Wenger went from hero to zero
Arsenal fans realised they actually love Wenger, and always will
Arsenal fans begged for him to come back in some capacity
Bendtner signed for Arsenal
Bendtner became a meme
He then released a book
Tottenham are still shit
Speaking of books, Zlatan just released his 400th autobiography
Ronaldo was one step away from signing for Arsenal, and then won 32 trophies after not making the step
Luckily, however, with all of the amazing youngsters we have, including Patino, we don’t need Ronaldo. We have a plethora of young talent who will win a boat load of trophies, themselves. And they know what it means to play for this great club. Let’s hope they all know what “no” means as well.
Toodloo…!
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