By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Honestly, it’s been about 5 or 6 months since I’ve written one of these, so at this point I’m unsure if I should even acknowledge my lengthy absence. I feel like one of those dudes at an office or something who went on a trip to Thailand for months on end. I’m coming back to the office and y’all are just gonna be like, “shit … that bald guy still works here?” Or maybe you’ll pull an Ian Wright and say “I fought you was dead.”
Another 3 months or so and I’d be out a full pregnancy. That’s actually why I’ve been away. I’m birthing a child of mine to create my own project Mbappe. I can’t wait until he lines up with a 40-year-old Saka. With his long, flowing, ginger hair (if he doesn’t lose it by then). And not Saka with long, ginger hair by the way, my son. Maybe Saka will have a weave, but I doubt it. Also, I’m not pregnant.
Anyways, speaking of charismatic, handsome, supremely talented Americans with orange hair, is Flo Balogun a diva?
Yeah.
Alright folks, thanks for reading, I’ll catch you next time!
In all seriousness, in one way yes, in others no. Let’s get into this New York slice of a man.
In the way of yes — since that’s what all 3 of you are so inclined to read, there’s no doubt he pulls the shenanigans and has the aura of a good old fashion, egotistical striker. Insufferable, is he, with his eye watering diamond earrings, social media presence and weird, overly slow walk so people look at him for longer. He clearly likes the attention he’s been getting as of late. And in a world full of humble and boring Harry Kanes, I can see why that puts a sour taste in some mouths.
But I, for one, like a bit of spice, and can handle it, as Kane did on Hot Ones to be fair. I think that sort of personality is useful for a goal scorer. The only issue, however, is I’m not sure Arteta feels the same. Most of the cogs in our newly well-oiled machine seem pretty selfless and specialize in being a mere gear in the shiny red and white vessel super Mik has created. Balogun would surely want to be more. And more whilst being on the pitch, at that.
Now there’s also a couple ways Balogun isn’t a diva. For one, the manner with which he speaks, verbally, always gives me a chuckle. This dude acts like a real menace on social media, but then in the traditional media space, via interview on camera for example, he’s a typical Hale End graduate. Well spoken, mild in his manner, and humble as a bumble bee. They seem like two different people. The real Balo stands up in stand ups.
He also isn’t a diva in the way that he is a man and can’t legally register as a diva in the WWE. A Diva is defined as a female wrestler in pro wrestling, and Balogun is just not that. I don’t care what you say. It would be a bad look if he somehow did get accepted as a Diva in the WWE (no clue why he’d apply, maybe needs some more cash on the side) and started beating up women (even if it is fake). We’ll leave that sort of diva-ing to another young … You know what, never mind.
Now is he a “diva” in the way that he goes down too easily when hit? Change the “ee” I to an “eye” I and you’ll get me. Like diver. Like a scuba diver. Or Neymar. Or maybe a diver that jumps off a diving board. But like not one of those, I mean a “divah” in soccer terms. Like he dives (or flops) going down too easily under contact. Is he one of those? I don’t know.
So all in all Balogun is a bit of a diva in some ways. That may not help his career at Arsenal, but it could help Arsenal profit-wise. Clubs like Milan will be chomping at the bit for someone with that x-factor, as they’ll feel it can be what helps them finish in the upper portion of the table they belong in.
I think we’ll see the young, now ginger social media specialist part ways this transfer window, and while it pains me a bit as a yank, I can live with it since we’re making some cheddar. He’s an arrogant, but good lad. It seems somewhat inevitable and practical to end his time with us now.
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