Finton’s Frolic: Mudryk — Is This What Pretty People Get to Feel?

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. It’s been 72 years since I’ve written one of these, so let me drop one for the two of you so patiently waiting, before my inevitable demise comes some time next month or something.

Mudryk.

I’ve got to be honest, I don’t know much about the guy, but I find myself getting excited. Maybe it’s the explosiveness, or the overall cool demeanor of the guy — tatted up and bleach blonde, like a supervillain in a Netflix series, meant to confuse your primal brain with his sleek and handsome look. Or maybe it’s even down to how keen the young man is to join us. A high profile young talent actively pushing for an Arsenal switch? Whaaaaaaaaaaaat.

It feels weird to be the belle of the ball. I’ve been supporting Arsenal since well after the days of the Invincibles, and in my personal life I will admit, you’re not exactly top shelf hooch as a red head with irritable bowel syndrome and bad knees. Is this what hotties get to feel like? No wonder y’all spend so much money on clothes and skin care products I didn’t know existed — this is great!

Anyways, Mudryk wants us and apparently we want him. Sadly, he has a big mean papa who doesn’t want him sold, and if he is given to us, they want a Ukrainian President’s ransom for him. Shoutout Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

But I think they’ll lower their lofty tag a bit and eventually accept £60m or so (source: trust me bro.) And that’s due to the fact that they’re not exactly loaded with cash in the ol’ Shakky poo. 60 big ones could easily revolutionize their side and help them catch Dnipro-1 atop the Ukrainian league, who are 5 points ahead of the boys in orange at the moment (Shaka Locka have a game in hand though.)

If we manage to haggle Shakhtar low enough, maybe we’ll be able to bring in another player along with Mudryk too. Two signings in the winter window of high quality could help us continue our challenge for the league title if they add the desired impact. Mudryk seems, on the face of things, like a guy who could take the league by surprise with his supreme athleticism and direct approach. It's a deal that makes sense at the right price.

For now though, let’s play it cool with Mudryk, as fans, and a club too. Not hard to get or work with, per say, but just like how an attractive human being would act in "talks". We can't make Boom Shock a tar Lock a Tar think we're desperate. Interested, sure — he seems like a nice guy we could settle down with and have a pleasant little life with — but we should distance ourself enough to where he feels like he has to keep mentioning us with his very own name on socials and in the press. Because, one: boy is that great to see, and two: it's great for his price tag on our end. 50 big ones or so sounds a lot nicer than 100.

Toodloo …!