By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. In light of all of the positivity, rightfully going around the Arsenal fandom, I figured I’d bring us all back down to earth with this depressing piece. The Gunners successfully dismantled and humiliated Slavia Prague in their own back yard — the emphatic result was a win for football and equality above all else.
In spite of the result that filled the football sphere with joy, however, it’s worth noting the side isn’t nearly as good as we all are so desperate for it to be. I have little faith in us winning the coveted Europa League trophy, so one question begs. Wanna be beaten by former manager Unai Emery, or insufferable rivals Manchester United?
With Emery’s tremendous success in the Walmart version of the Champions League, it’s hard not to be nervous going into the semifinals matchups. From 21 two-legged ties, he’s advanced 21 times. Basically, he runs the competition.
Of course, he brought us to the final and we bottled it horribly, in large fault to him, but his pedigree in the competition still remains unmatched. Such a record coupled with the fact that Villarreal is a decent team will make it really tricky to beat them.
From 30 matches Villarreal have 46 points, seeing them placed 7th in La Liga. Meanwhile, as I’m sure everyone knows, we have 45 from 31 seeing us at 9th. The sides are scarily even on paper, so much so that each team has even scored the exact same amount of league goals at this point with 43. Villarreal have conceded two goals fewer than the Reds of London, though, seeing their Goal Difference at 10 compared to our pathetic eight.
Point is, it’s going to be a fucking challenge in a half to beat the Arsenal of Spain. While I’m sure the Yellows are feeling similar looking towards us, they have the Emery factor with them. I wish I was kidding, but I’m really fucking not.
If there’s two things the manager specializes in, they are the Europa League and making Gooners sad. So let’s stop talking about him.
Is there even any point in me mentioning Manchester United? As much as it pains me to say, they’re a pretty good team. While they are 11-points off first place Manchester City, the Red Devils are where they are in the table for a reason and their league position is a fair reflection of their quality. They’ve scored the second most goals in this Premier League season, and despite our successes against them this year, we’ve got nothing on them at the moment.
Even if Arteta’s men manage to excavate Emery, the Red Devils will likely await, hungry for revenge, in the final. Ole’s side should and probably will romp Roma.
While a final can be a one off, it’s very fair to say that United would be strong favorites considering they already are who many believe will win the tournament. One of those many is me.
If I was to be asked who I’d rather take a beating from it’d have to be the man who played Lucas Torreira at number 10. Reason being, though he put us through a lot, I don’t hate him, I doubt anyone does. Sometimes I miss his “Good Ebening” opening lines — that’s pretty much it though. Arteta can be so straight to the point, Em Em was a sweet pea, a naive one at times, sure, but a nice Pimp, he was. And why both advancing to the final if we just lose to another rival in it?
On that note, the fact that I think Emery could beat United in the final also comes to play. This is his domain. The defeat to Chelsea was a one off, the king wants his throne back. And seeing as I can’t really see us winning this thing, I’d prefer it if the “Bruno Boys” didn’t either.
Time will tell which party inevitably depresses us. But in truth, I’d rather have Count Emery suck all my happiness away rather than be stabbed in the heart by United’s annoying pitch fork thingy.
Anyways, I’m a pessimist. Sorry, nothing is going to be okay. Toodloo...!
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