Finton’s Frolic: Was Aaron Ramsdale FORCED Into Shaving His Beard?

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Today, we’ll be discussing my biggest takeaway from the win against Norwich on Saturday. Aaron Ramsdale is now beardless. There’s a question many of the personalities in my brain are asking about the transition though. Was he forced into it? The answer, as I’m sure those of you who frequently read this would have assumed, is yes.

Think about it, just for one second. And by the way, this piece will having nothing to do with improved aero dynamics, which maybe it should have, but it’s too late because I already wrote all of it and am now coming back to this part to force this sentence in.

Who has the best beard in the Arsenal dressing room? Answer: Alexandre Lacazette. There’s just no beating AFCMax9’s baby daddy in this instance, he’s the far away leader in the Arsenal facial hair table. However, the race for second is a bit more contentious. In the mix lies Sead Kolasinac, Pablo Mari, Thomas Partey and of course, Mikel Arteta.

I’m sure the first three listed were fine with Ramsdale’s blonde beard with just a sprinkle of ginger cinnamon, but Arteta surely wasn’t. And there’s one pathetic reason for each of the parties involved caring or not caring (players and manager).

Let’s start with the manager, because his horrible ego would want it that way. Though Lacazette may not be touchable in the best facial hair game, he’ll be gone soon.

And from the aforementioned bearded boys brought up, barring Laca, the boss has got the best facial follicles. When Laca leaves, Arteta will have the best one. The young manager most likely demanded Ramsdale rid his face of the hair to create less competition. The English keeper has an interesting, white beard, so the powers that be in the Barclays Bearded Division may have showed him preference because like Jack Grealish’s diving, it’s “clever” when it’s done white, I mean right.

The pathetic reason for the players being okay with Ramsdale’s diving beard is even more shocking than the manager’s.

Even though Arteta’s desire to win the BBD (Barclays Bearded Division) is quite cringe considering all you get is a tube of beard oil, at least he cares about winning. He’s a serial one, a guy who needs to be victorious, and the rest of our players just aren’t that at all. They’re all content with someone else taking home the oil because they can just buy some of their own with their over the top wages. On the contrary, Arteta won’t let the trophy, in all of its slipperiness, fall away. And he will do anything to win -- even force our new loveable shot stopper into having a baby face.

The players can learn a lesson or two from their coach. If only he had the skill to teach them.

Toodloo...!