By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone.
I’m gonna keep things short since I write for a living now. So it’s not that this feels like work, but it doesn’t not, not feel like work, if you get me. Of course you do. You’re deranged enough to read this shit. Thanks to all 2.7 of you.
Today we’re going to chat about Gabriel Jesus and Ollie Zinchenko. Two of the least controversial and divisive players in Arsenal history. Everyone loves them unconditionally!
I truly understand the … reluctance, dare I say, to praise either of them because I’ve found myself wanting to bite my tongue to stop any positive spittle at times. It always feels like the inviting of a jinx. Once either are praised an injury comes, a defensive error is made, or a huge chance is missed.
Yet alas, we need them. And desperately.
The connectivity, experience, skill and tenacity each bring is unparalleled. They’ve certainly propelled us to the level we’ve reached, leaving many far worse players, finally, in their and our wake.
But is that where they find themselves now? In the foamy sea left behind Mikel Arteta’s reliable, cherry red speed boat? It seems, at times, like they’ve nothing more than a new-striker-yet-to-be-bought-life raft and an injured-Jurrien-Timber set of floaties keeping them afloat in the eleven.
Jesus seems to garner more praise than Zinchenko, because goals make people say nice things. But he, too gets his fair share of flack and arguably gets lambasted more, as he’s often cited as the reason we can’t win the big ones.
It’s a weird scenario where casuals can’t stand the pair, tacticos are obsessed with them, and middle men, like most rational Arsenal fans, are in-betweeners.
Much like politics and everything in life, those people in the middle tend to be right as nothing is absolute. Each are two of the best players in the league, but remain huge fucking pains.
Although Jesus and Zinchenko contribute massively, neither are sustainable options long-term, in my opinion. They’re not even really ideal in a 90 minute fixture, especially not Zinchenko. I say that about Jesus more so out of fear of injury.
And shouts are going to be made. "wHaT aBoUt tOmIyAsu or pArtEy?"
Well ... the difference can be seen financially and in terms of squad roles for Tomi. Zin and Jesus are "crucial," as FIFA career mode and their bananas wages would say. Tomi is between rotational and important, cheaper, and the hugely overpaid Partey is basically a corpse at this point. So while I don't respect him, I must show some to the dead. Even if they are off to hell.
So Zin and Jesus are the main guys in this situation. There's no two ways about it.
Also, screw it, I’ll say it. Sometimes the old heads are right. Stupidity is often the simplicity required to solve a complex situation.
A striker who can’t finish and a defender who can’t defend is bad enough and not ideal. But are either really good enough to warrant those short comings? That’s arguable either way. It works/worked for Liverpool with Trent Alexander Arnold and Firmino. But do the Brazilian and Ukriainian bring what those Champions League winners did to Liverpool for us?
Anyways though, the injuries are what take our issue beyond a point of slight worry, to huge concern, overshadowing the tactical elements.
Heading into Sunday’s match against West Ham, who we’ve not beaten this season, both players’ injury statuses are seemingly up in the air.
A breaking point has been reached where the club have to ask themselves, “are these guys really worth their baggage”?
Sure they’re good, but they’re not around a lot. Sort of like ice cream trucks. Where the hell are those things, man?
Take someone like me, for example. I’m incredibly handsome, tall, hilarious, loving, a skilled writer, blue eyed, always have deodorant on, and have never been wrong about a single opinion I’ve ever had. However, I am a piece of shit and have the tiniest penis in the world. I’m just not worth it. Maybe they aren’t either considering how far we’ve come and how sexy we've turned out. (Please don't send this to my missus, she'll get ideas).
Time will tell whether or not the two are part of Arsenal’s plans for the next few years.
With the likes of Timber returning from injury soon and the club looking likely to sign a new, Pimp approved striker, maybe they’ll be demoted to B-list squad players. Then they won’t have to play as much.
Anyways. Confusing, but good ol' times we've always wanted.
Toodloo…!